Triple-Distilled, Concentrated Insanity

3:42pm:

11:41am: Saturday, Labor Day Weekend
So I'm working today, yeah, it sucks. I'm bored off my ass and I forgot to grab some movies to watch of the computer up front. Oh well. I didn't get to grab food on the way in either. I woke up in kind of a rush.

( The Cookie )

5:28pm: Customers Suck
Another example of us having a customer base of self important assholes who feel entitled to everything and a superiority complex to match.

( The Story )

10:24am: Fuck this day
Well I was pretty fucking spot on about my forecast for today, scattered shit storms with a chance of flash diarrhaea.

( Joss the Fecal Forecaster )

8:17am: this is going to be a great day
So I wake up this morning, like any other morning I have to open, in a foul mood. Probably just about as foul as my mixture of morning breath, pina colada SoBe, a Fast Break Reeses bar and left over grape Fanta.

( Enter Work, Stage Left )

5:40pm: WTF?
All I have to say to this is holy shit.... You have to see it, I simply have no words to describe it.


http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoID=688733113

5:51pm: now that is a fuckup
( Think before you speak... )

2:15pm: whoops
( Hiccups Suck )

4:21pm: EvilSmiley.Com

Well, my website is back up after just about 2 years of inactivity. Time to get content up! Looks like I'll be sluffing a lot of work and customers to do it in too, yay!

EvilSmiley.Com

9:28am:
Full Throttle Fury® Slush

Naptime is over.SM
Your thirst for extreme beverages hasn't led you astray. Behold our Full Throttle Fury® Slush. It not only tastes good, but provides the boost to get you through the day. So no matter what your day throws your way—training seminars, guest lecturers, foreign films, piano recitals, drivers' ed, dinner with the in-laws and so forth, you can always count on this icy-cold, high-octane citrus rush in your slush to get the job done. Get yours today for a limited time at participating SONIC® Drive-Ins.

---

Just thought that I would let everyone know that these things are fucking delicious. It tastes almost like orange Hi-C or Kool-Aid or maybe something else with a hyphen, but BETTER! And with a kick! mmm MMM!

Go buy one now.

6:40pm:

venom

Okay, I saw Spidey 3 last night and what the FUCK?! Who is this little bitch that they portrayed Eddie Brock as? What? They even fucked up Venom! Why?! You take the most badass "villian" from the Spidey comics and turn him into a blathering pussy! He was such a badass that he even spawned 5 or 6 of his own comic series.

WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?!

Spiderman 3 = teh sux for taking a perfectly good story and molesting it until it became something almost unrecognizable from the original. Okay, I'm done venting. Maybe.

/end

5:03pm: Okay.... So I'm at work like I normally am 60% of my waking day. We have a customer, a guy who owns a FastSigns franchise and uses us to ship. Well this dude is normally the biggest curmudgeon I've ever had to deal with. He was obviously in a good mood today and it totally threw me off.

I'll refer to him as "T" simply because I'm sure he doesn't want his name on the net and well liability and all sorts of other bullshit.

T walks in and sees that I have grown a something on my chin (not really a beard but not really a goatee as I don't trim it).

T: "Oh man you guys aren't going all hippie in here are you?"
Me: "Nah, I'm just getting lazy with the shaving."

This was semi normal I guess, was still a little thrown off that he was being semi-friendly and making small talk. The he busts out this right before he leaves.

T: "So tell me something.... Do you get more sex with that thing than without?"
Me: "Uh.....Heh, I'm still working on that flowchart, I'll let you know the results."
T: "I'll bet you do, my beard used to get me all sorts of beaver before it started going gray"
*points to his chin*
T: "Thats why I'm all clean shaven now!"


I didn't know what to say after that so I just went back to the business aspect. I swear, just when you get to know a customer and his habits they start throwing sidearm. I just don't get it.

Anyways, thought that might be interesting.

4:51pm: Blah Blah Blah
[cut and pasted from an email as an example]
__________________________

You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.

He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remembers
why he is fighting.
__________________________

You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of men like him.

He hears the gunfire, bombs and screams of the wounded.
__________________________

You see only what the media wants you to see.

He sees the broken bodies lying around him.
__________________________

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't.

He does exactly what he is told.
__________________________

You stay at home and watch TV.

He takes whatever time he is given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.
__________________________

You crawl into your soft bed, with down pillows, and get comfortable.

He tries to sleep but gets woken by mortars and helicopters all night long.
__________________________

[[/end] cut and pasted example]

Okay, okay, we get the fucking point. If I see one more of these kinds of posts I'm going to puke. I'm not anti-war, quite the opposite actually. War provides a wonderful economy that thrives near the end, depending on which side you are on. Our country has built itself up wonderfully via war and oppressing "police actions" and I'm not about to argue with the lifestyle it provides me because I feel bad about another group of people who I'll never meet.

Anyways, I'm off subject. Everyone knows what the soldiers go through. Whine whine whine. Why the fuck are you whining for them? They most certainly don't. If you are whining about the situation you are in, you shouldn't be a soldier in the first fucking place. When you sign your soul away for 4 years you should know that if this country decides to go to war, then so do you. That's what their job is. We understand that soldiers go through hell and we don't. It's called a lifestyle choice! They CHOSE the lifestyle of a soldier. You CHOSE not to.

Soldiers aren't living a crappy life in the sandbox because people wear anti-war shirts, they do it because it's their fucking job. Not everyone gets to make that kind of lifestyle choice. Some get STUCK working shitty customer service jobs. Anyways, off subject again. The point is, keep your fucking opinion to yourself. I don't care if you are anti-war, pro-war or fucking nuetral. Your stupid little posts and emails about how hard the soldiers have it compared to you don't do shit. Stop wasting my time and bandwith.

The life of a soldier may suck but it was their fucking CHOICE, no one held a gun to their head and made them sign that paper.

Fuck, while I'm at it, maybe they should go start another war. My stocks that hold military contracts could split again this month. That would be nice.

[/end]

1:20pm: Speaking of a customer base of self important assholes who feel entitled to everything and a superiority complex to match, here is an example. This is an exchange I just had with one such pompous cunt:

I'll start where it started going wrong. Let it me known that this bitch has an extremely condescending tone throughout the whole conversation.

Customer: So you can't look up my account information?
Me: No, we aren't actual UPS we don't have access to that information.
C: Well tell me where on the website I can find my account information.
Me: I'm really not sure where that is, we really don't deal with accounts.
C: You are the UPS Store right? And UPS is your product?
Me: ... Yes...
C: Well you guys should know your product, that is just unprofessional. You should know everything about UPS up and down.
Me: Well, I do but we just don't handle accounts, those go just through UPS.
C: I knew I should have gone to FedEx.
Me: Well there is one right down the road if you want to.
C: Oh, he's a smart ass too.
Me: Only to smart ass customers.
C: Oh! Now you're going to cuss at me?! Who is the owner and how can I contact them?
Me: Heh, my parents.
C: Let me get their number!
Me: Here is our card, that's our number and email right there, feel free to complain.
C: I can see why it's empty in here when you have a little smart ass working the counter running off all the customers.
Me: We are doing fine for ourselves, thanks.
Cu: Whatever.
*customer continues to stand and fill out paperwork*
C: Where are your boxes?
Me: We keep them in the back.
C: I need a box.
Me: Are you going to pay for it?
C: I have an account, they are free for me!
Me: We don't carry the free boxes, we sell shipping boxes.
C: Well then just give me one of the shipping paks.
Me: We are actually out of those right now but we do have the UPS envelopes.
C: No you aren't, I know you have them.
Me: No, we are out of them right now, I can give you a USPS pak though, it will work the same way.
C: Sure..... Whatever.
*customer continues to fill out paperwork*
C: To hell with this, I'm going to FedEx.
Me: Okay, it'll be right down the street on the right hand side right before the tollway.
C: I don't need your damn help.
Me: Okay, have a nice day.
C: *grumbles as she walks out* And you should turn up the air in here!

I fucking hate people.

Oh, and my mom's birthday was indeed on wednesday. That was a great guilt trip over the phone. So now I'm going to go print out this manuscript as my defense for when this crazy bitch decides to twist the story her way. The first strike is always the best one.

[/end]

12:26pm: What the fuck? My coworker just ditched me again. What the fuck? What is wrong with these fuckers that they can't even break down easy math? Everyone is supposed to be at 40 hours. Why do I have to work the fucking lunch shift solo? I hope that fucker misses his rent by $21 minus taxes.

6:59pm: Fuck customers who come in exactly at closing. Fuck them all. With barbed wire.

4:49pm: Chance of a Lifetime


I have just volunteered to get drunk and make an ass of myself. That isn't all though. I get to get drunk and make an ass of myself to POLICE OFFICERS! A friend of mine is currently going through the police academy. To those who know me, a cop friend may be strange but whatever. On April 5th & 6th I get to drink FREE booze provided by the cops, hassle trainees and make an ass of myself while I perform sobriety tests. Score. I will enjoy this very much and will try to get pictures taken but who knows. At least I'll always have the memory of it..... Or not.

[/end]

3:40pm: Voice Post: Testing

VoicePost 24K 0:07

“Um... Yeah, testing, testing, 1, 2, 3, testing.” Transcribed by: septumus

2:10pm: Eh...
Well, today isn't so bad. It probably would have been but having a good morning goes a long way. Now today is just mildly annoying with hints of amusement. For example, I get here and find out that my coworker is going to be leaving cause he feels sick. Well, I also found out that he was stuck here until 10pm last night. Heh. Thats 3 hours after closing. It makes me really glad that I ignored his call last night. So it turns out that he had to call tech support to close like I thought would happen. They had the primary fixed in about 15 minutes he said. The reason he was here until 10 was because the secondary we had been running off of all day got a virus because it wasn't being protected by the primary! Good stuff. The secondary computer is royally fucked and is on "emergency status" with tech support. I was supposed to get a call back from them more than 2 hours ago. Some emergency.

I'm pretty sure that I forgot my mom's birthday. I think it is today, but it might be next wednesday. I dunno. Hopefully someone will clue me in. Whatever.

[/end]

4:03pm: Shit Sandwich = Tastes Great
Since I am leaving work now I thought I would provide this information to ya'll.

A recap of my work day:

(_)
(___)
(_____)
(________)

In case you can't tell because my ASCII is rusty, that is a large steaming pile of shit. There is no text coloring that I have found so far and this auto-formatting sucks so I'll admit it is hard to see. That about explains my day. In fact, ignore the ASCII shit pile, my day just plain sucked. Hrmmmm.... Yeah, that's it.

9:01am: Here it comes.....
High there again,

Well, I've already tagged today as most certainly going to be shitty. My alarm didn't go off. Strike One.

As I'm pulling up to work I have to cut the FedEx guy off so he doesn't drive away with our packages. He wasn't too happy about that. Apparently if they wreck the repairs come out of their check. Whatever. Strike Two. At least I'll never see that driver again.

Well I walk in and start everything up as normal. Everything seems fine and no customers have even showed yet. Of course there has to be one more problem. The main POS won't start up. Strike Three. Big time.

In case you don't know how the UPS Store POS systems run, there is the Primary and the Secondary (sometimes a Tertiary). The Primary is the brain for all these other systems. If it goes down we have to run offline which means that everything fucking sucks all day long. Good and hard. Later, when they open, I'll have to spend no less than 2 hours on the phone with tech support where they will have me run through every operational system on the fucking computer before they finally decide that they should just use a remote access program to go straight to the problem and fix it themselves. Fuck.

I would say that the slew of grass-grazing business men & women who have come in this morning would be Strike Four but that doesn't exist and the shit has already hit the fan. Besides they are just the average customer base anyways. Who the fuck chooses a customer base of self important assholes who feel entitled to everything and a superiority complex to match? Fuck.

And for the love of god people, don't bring an antique trombone worth $1400 to get packed and shipped at 9 am. Thats too early for us pack'n'ship peoples! We will hate you for it.

[/end]

5:04pm: Fuckin' A
Dear Stranger,

It would appear that every so often I go through spouts of blogging. I don't know why, I can't even fathom what would cause me to go through these cycles. Maybe I need to go to confession but can't bring myself to enter a church willingly. Maybe I just need someone to talk to even if it is everyone and noone at the same time. Anyways, here I am. Myspace is starting to piss me off so I'm dusting off this account to use occasionally when I feel like it. I'm sure you'll keep your eyes peeled and be on the edge of your seat. Why am I leaving Myspace you ask? Well it's the general annoying nature of the people that occupy that filthy cesspool of internet bandwith. Fuck them all. If I get one more "friend" who is really just some ameatur with a webcam I'll scream. Okay, I'm done. Until next time.

-Joss

10:23pm: My First Entry
My first entry.... what to say? Well, the first word that comes to my mind is xxoydianiitan. Yes, xxoydianiitan. What does it mean? Apparently the only meaning I can find for it is xxoydianiitan. If I were to define it simply by looking at its context it would mean diacide. Yes, diacide. What does it mean? Well I suppose I could sum it up in one word, hoogaxiontabale. Yes, hoogaxiontabale. What does it mean? I'm not sure, but maybe someone does.